Beauty and the Beast Lightbulb Joke
by LJGraves
Summary: Traditional lightbulb joke with humorous reasons by residents


**A Beauty & the Beast Joke ~ ****by Laura Graves**

* * *

  
**Q: How many tunnel residents does it take to change a light bulb?**

**A: All of them....because.....after all:**

** _ "We're all a part of one another..._**   
**_ Sometimes we forget that."_**

** Father**

**REASONS (EXCUSES) THEY ALL GAVE FOR BEING THERE:**

**FATHER -- He's there to supervise everything, of course. And in case**   
**there's a need for a decision by the Council.......**

**VINCENT -- Claims he's there to restrain Mouse from using his new "gizmo"**   
** but actually he's there to argue against changing the light bulb**   
**because, after all, everyone knows Catherine looks even more lovely by**   
**candlelight and it is sooooo romantic. All the while he's thinking**   
**"Great place to steal a kiss."**

**CATHERINE -- She's supposedly here in her new capacity as helper but**   
**actually she's hoping for a glimpse of biceps or pecs if Vincent is the**   
**one who actually changes the light bulb. Maybe she'll get really lucky**   
**and it will be a very high one so she can offer to let Vincent lift her**   
**up to change it. But, she figures, at the very least, she can stand**   
**behind him and enjoy the view of his gorgeous derriere and hopefully**   
**he'll be distracted enough not to notice what she's feeling.**   
** *Note: For those of you who aren't familiar with French, derriere is**   
**French for that place upon which we all sit. I always thought it was a**   
**much more elegant and dignified term and Catherine is definitely**   
**elegant.... :-)**

**CATHERINE: Vincent! I'll hold your cloak for you!**   
** (thinking): Got to get the curtains off the view!**

**JAMIE -- Offers to shoot it out with her crossbow.**

**MOUSE -- has a new "gizmo" to change the light bulb. "Better than good,**   
** Better than best."**

**FATHER: (thinking) What is it that Catherine is so absorbed in looking**   
**at.......OH, My goodness!**   
** Vincent! Perhaps you should put your cloak back on.... a bit drafty**   
**here, don't you think??**

**MARY --Says she's there to keep an eye on the children but she loves the**   
**way it makes her heart flutter when Father gives commands in an**   
**authoritative voice. Hoping maybe in the crowd she can get close enough**   
**to brush up against him.**

**PASCAL -- Is there to observe and plans to leave quickly with the excuse**   
**that he has to report on the pipes that the light bulb has been changed.**

**Catherine: (thinking) Hey, this is that spot we stopped at when Vincent**   
**took me home last week....where he almost kissed me. If Mouse hadn't**   
**come along just then......... I wonder.... (looks at Vincent**   
**suspiciously)**

**WILLIAM -- There to pass out food and see that everyone is fed while the**   
**light bulb is being changed.**

**REBECCA -- Can't understand why they want to replace the light bulb**   
**anyway - candles are better - will support Vincent in his bid to leave it**   
**burned out.**

**VINCENT: (thinking) I almost got caught three times trying to switch this**   
**light bulb for an old, burned out one and now they're going to change it!**   
** I still didn't get a chance to get Catherine here alone. Next time**   
**I'll make sure I send Mouse on an errand to the farthest tunnels!!!**

**MICHAEL -- Is here to read a poem about changing the light bulb.**

**BROOKE -- There to listen to Michael read the poem and sigh.......**

**FATHER: (thinking) Maybe if I just slip over in front of Catherine,**   
**Vincent won't notice that she's staring at his....ahem.... Who is that**   
**who keeps pressing against me?**   
** Ahhhh, Mary, there you are!**

**SAMANTHA -- There to make sure Kipper and Geoffrey know that a girl can**   
**change a light bulb without any help.**

**KIPPER -- Lurking around the edges trying to avoid getting drafted to**   
**change the light bulb. Thinking maybe if he played Samantha a game of**   
**chess here it would be dark enough that he might be able to beat her.**

**FATHER: (thinking, and looking at Mary in the candlelight) Perhaps we**   
**shouldn't replace this light bulb after all.**   
** Mary, perhaps you would join me in my study for a cup of tea. I have**   
**some etchings......**

**ERIC -- There to tell all he's learned about how a light bulb works.**

**CHILDREN -- Clamoring to have Vincent tell them a story about changing**   
**the light bulb.**

**VINCENT: (eyes widening in surprise) Catherine!! I think perhaps it is**   
**time I took you home.....**

**KANIN -- Wants to widen the tunnel so there will be enough room for**   
**everybody to see the light bulb changed.**

**OLIVIA -- Here to be with Kanin since he's only been back a short while.**   
**Actually, she'd rather be in their new chambers working on getting Luke a**   
**little brother or sister. Definitely will support Vincent in not**   
**changing the light bulb....she prefers candlelight.**

**CATHERINE: Oops!**   
** (thinking) Caught with my hand in the cookie jar - actually it was my**   
**mind that was in the cookie jar. (heavy sigh) It would be so wonderful**   
**to get my hand ON the cookie jar!!!**

**CULLEN -- Thinking about doing a wood carving of the scene of the light**   
**bulb being changed.**

**ARTHUR -- scrounging for crumbs dropped from the food William is passing**   
**out.**

**CATHERINE: (Notices the knowing smile in Vincent's eyes, thinks)**   
**Hmmm....a nice, quiet walk home by ourselves is definitely in order here.**   
** Maybe..... (Mona Lisa smile at Vincent)**

**LAURA -- Wants to be sure light bulb is changed since in the dark sign**   
**language is impossible to see....On the other hand, being young and in**   
**love she's also thinking --- great place to neck. She knows this is the**   
**route Vincent takes Catherine when he walks her to the threshold below**   
**her apartment. (looks at Vincent suspiciously)**

**SARAH -- Trying to keep the children from running wild since Mary is not**   
**being any help at all.**

**VINCENT: (smiling, takes Catherine's hand) May I lead you through the**   
**dark, Catherine?**

**CATHERINE: There is no darkness, Vincent, when you're with me.**

**VINCENT: (thinking) Maybe I won't need that dark tunnel after**   
**all........(strolls off down the tunnels hand in hand with his Catherine)**

**AND THEY ALL HAD A HAPPY LIFE!!!!!**


End file.
